Thoughts

As a habit, I live

in the future. I’m always planning, looking forward, trying to control tomorrow/next week/next year and whatever will be my next move.

At its core, I think this habit stems from a discontentment with Now. Like I don’t like being in school, so I plan what my post-graduate/working life will be. I’m unhappy with today, so I skip ahead and move on to tomorrow.

A tricky concept from Power of Now (book by Eckhart Tolle, deep and difficult but worthwhile read) is something like “all that ever exists is what is present at this moment”. The past in an old present, and the future is nothing because it is unfulfilled. It hasn’t come to pass.

The past isn’t happening anymore, and the future isn’t happening (yet). At this moment, they don’t exist.

Why do I waste so much of my time (what I currently have at this very moment) obsessing over something that doesn’t exist? Like if I spend all of today living for tomorrow, and I spend all of tomorrow living for its tomorrow, what am I even doing? Can I call that actual living?

I’ve graduated from college. I’ve spent so much past time (like the previous 5 years) obsessing and planning for this stage, but for what? Due to habit, I seek to plan the next thing.

No. I want to be here for this moment, for today, for every day. Each day is unique and special and all I get at a time. I mean, I don’t neglect to “set up” for tomorrow and make plans for dreams. But I don’t want to ignore any issues I have with Now by projecting my mind into the future.

I will deal with things as they come, instead of putting them off for the future. Today (or this very moment, really) is all I have and I don’t want to ignore it for something that isn’t real.

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